On Thiruvakarai

I have always been drawn to the full moon, partly because my mother used to perform on the full moon to honor Goddess Durga. I remember staying up till midnight and performing the ritual. I thought of the smell of incense and camphor, my father ringing the bell and my mom showing the fire to the Goddess as an offering. She would then take the lamp and show it to the moon. We would then gather and chant for sometime. I felt extreme high energy while participating in the ritual.

I also remember that every year during the full moon in April, my mother and I used to visit a Kali temple in the outskirts of the city. It was quite deserted but I always felt at home there. There used to be huge gathering at the altar and people praying and chanting. Only women came there. It was not forbidden for men to come that night, but it somehow seemed like an unwritten rule. Men visited the temple often. But just that night, every year, they did not and left the entire temple to the women.

Sometimes, the extreme high energy even caused people to sing and dance and enter into a state of trance. Even though I was very young, I was hardly disturbed by this scene. It infact felt natural and at home. After the ritual, we stayed back at the temple, slept in the lawn and stared at the moon. That was the only time people were allowed to stay over night at temples, as it is usually forbidden.

I wonder where it all went, what happened to all that bonding, with family, with women and with the Deity. why did we distance ourselves so much? Why this change and why the shift. As primitive as this may sound, the dancing and chanting in the temple made me feel calm and relaxed. It was primitive. Barbaric, yes, but Divine. It is about surrendering yourself to the deity and to the Goddess. To the Life Force Energy. I wish if we could ever get it back.